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please help me decide whether or not to fuck this guy (tw: open relationships, potential infidelity)

ok inspired by majipoorLIFE's post soliciting advice re: texting strategy, i'm going to describe a situation to you guys in order to 1) get it out of my head, and 2) ask you all what you would do in my place. i'm a little stoned but i'll try to keep it under control, sorry if i ramble.

alright so as a few of you might know i'm currently dancing at a strip club (i post sometimes under another name, but whenever i'm talking about my work i switch to this one for anonymity). back in september, this guy came in with some of his friends after a baseball game & i ended up hanging out with him all night & it was SO FUN. he was just an awesome customer: spent a lot of money on drinks for me & him & tipping (not thousands, but probably a few hundred), but in an in-control kind of way - not like a BLERGH I'M SO DRUNNNNK ERMAHGERD TITTIES kind of way. i HATE it when guys are throwing money at you because they're SODRUNK or because they're trying to feel better about being creepy, a lot of girls i dance with would work those situations for all they're worth but honestly i'm just not that much of a professional & it's hard for me to pretend to enjoy myself with someone who's being like that. ANYWAYS i first encountered this guy (i'll call him Customer) when i was sitting with someone else & i was not feeling well. i was trying to hide it, but i guess i wasn't doing a very good job cuz when the guy i was sitting with got up to use the bathroom, Customer came over & asked if i was ok - i told him i'd overdone it a little & was about to excuse myself to the dressing room & Customer was like "ok. here, this will help you feel better" & brought me some vodka in a glass (i know that sounds weird, but basically i'd had too many uppers & in a pinch liquor will help you calm down a bit). he just set it down on the table in front of me & walked away. now drinks for the girls at my bar cost $20 & we hadn't even talked or made eye contact yet. so he just spent $20 on someone he'd had no interaction with, & then gave me space because he knew i wasn't feeling well.


so i go upstairs for a bit, start feeling better, come back downstairs & one way or another started talking with Customer. like i said, we ended up hanging out all night & he was very generous. above & beyond that, i really enjoyed myself - we had a great conversation, he was very funny, we just "clicked" extremely well. he was respectful too - obv my job there is to be flirtatious so we're cuddled up together in the booth & he's very complimentary and all that - but he didn't try to do anything inappropriate or give off a creepy vibe at all (it helped that i found him personally attractive, which is very very rare for me with customers at the bar). so it was great & i loved it & found myself a couple times afterwards wishing that he would come in again.

fast forward maybe a few weeks later & he does come in again, also with friends after a baseball game. i went up to say hi & we talked for a bit, but he very subtly let me know that he wasn't in for as expensive a night as last time. so i was like ok cool, have fun & i'll see you around & i went about my business. at the end of the night as we're cashing out he's still downstairs finishing his beer with his friend (it's a common occurrence for customers to hang out as things shut down if they know someone or know someone who knows someone who works there). we started talking as i was waiting to get paid & somehow his phone number ends up in my phone (O:-)).


SO since then we've been texting on & off, with long breaks in between. at first i just wanted him to come back into the bar, but i've been loving talking to him. things started getting sexier & i was totally into it. in early november, i decided to just bite the bullet & ask him if he wants to hang out outside of the bar, making it clear it was personal not business. he was into it, we decide to meet up at an afterhours spot after i get off work the following weekend, i was EXCITE. for a couple days at least, until....he dropped the bomb that he's MARRIED. they are in an open relationship (he claims) but he's married.

now at this point i'm pissed but: i can't really blame him that much. it's very common at my club for the dancers to have textual relationships (ha!) with good customers to flirt, entice them back to the bar, arrange when to spend time together there, etc. so i have no doubt he assumed that was going on & didn't realize that i had gotten interested in him personally. it was very shortly after we actually made plans to meet up outside the bar that he disclosed & basically was like, look i'm not always sure what i say when i'm drunk at the bar but i just want to make sure you know i am married. i told him i did not in fact know that & he apologized. so i mean....not great but he could so easily have gone out with me, we probably would have hooked up, & then informed me after it all went down already. i told him i was disappointed but was glad he told me & that i didn't think it was a good idea to go out as planned. he said he understood & hasn't contacted me since.


so here we are two weeks later....i'm STILL thinking about him. i'm casually seeing a couple other ppl, one of whom i like very much, but this dude is totally in my head for whatever reason. one of his friends came in last night & conveniently gave me an excuse to text him for the first time since we broke plans a few weeks ago. it turned really steamy - he sent me a picture (torso/face, no penis) & he is ripped & has gorgeous ink wrapped around his side. UNF. so now all i can think about is how much i want to fuck him. i am not a monogamous person so i have no problem IN THEORY with him being committed to someone else instead of me, but i've never been the other side of the triangle - everyone i've dated/hooked up with has been otherwise uncommitted. but i know that if we have fun together, there will be Feelings on my part. i don't give a shit that he lives with his wife or that he spends the vast majority of his time with her & is most likely only occasionally available, but say we end up at my place, & he's like, yeah i can't sleep next to you cuz i have to go home? i know that would be very difficult for me. what should i do? should i try to forget about it? get more info from him on the boundaries he & his wife have established? i kinda wonder if i should be more suspicious about the whole open marriage thing, but he has lots of friends in common with the owner & it would be very easy for me to find out the actual story & he has to know that. i know there's a few ppl on here who have experience with open relationships, how would you handle this?? thank god one of the guys i'm seeing is coming over tomorrow night, hopefully i can take it out on him haha. thanks for listening GT! <3

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